Lesson 1: The law of the harvest

There is a law in life that I think applies to almost any situation which simply stated says "you reap what you sow."  This law is probably most relevant when it comes to marriage.  With this in mind I will rephrase it in this way:

You only get out of a marriage what you put into it.

I remember being a newly wed and not really understanding fully this principle.  I was under the false impression that being married was going to be "easy" because we were "so in love."  I just assumed that everything was going to be cake!  That lasted, oh, about until the honeymoon was over.

Let me share a recent example from my marriage of how this particular principle improved our relationship.

I recently was promoted at work to a job that was more prestigious, but also more demanding on my time.  It also required me to start commuting to a different office which was forty minutes away from my house.  Just like that I went from being able to spend an hour with my wife and child in the morning to spending 10 minutes.  I went from coming home for lunch several days a week to never coming home for lunch.  And, now I was also getting home later and I was often times very stressed when I got home. sound familiar?

After about a month or two of this I noticed that my wife and I were snapping at each other more and spending more time apart when we were at home.  I found that I wasn't as happy as I had been in the past and found myself wanting to blame my wife for "not doing more."  After all, didn't she realize that I was so tired after working all day on this new and stressful job.  I soon realized that I was wrong and that it was me!

So what was the problem?

I realized that I was not investing as much time in my marriage as I was into my work.  The crazy thing is that it had only been about a month or two where I had been really focused on work.  I learned an important lesson:

It takes constant investment of time and love to keep a marriage healthy.   You can't take a break from that, even for a month or two.

I decided to try and focus more of my attention on my marriage.  I spent a little less time watching TV and little more time talking to my wife, playing a game, or doing an activity together. The amazing thing is that it worked!  We stopped snapping at each other and started to rekindle our relationship again.  Before long we were back on track!

Challenge:

If you are feeling like maybe you have been arguing more than normal, or that you have been a little more distant that usual I would challenge you to evaluate the amount of time and effort you have invested into the relationship recently.  And, if it has been lacking then start by investing some time and love.  Maybe plan a date without the kids, turn the tv off for a night and talk, or do an activity together.  I bet you will be amazed at how much this will help the relationship!

Please post any stories or comments that you have on this topic and hopefully we can turn this into a blog where we can all help each other to become better husbands.  Also, please share success stories of how this principle has helped your marriage.